Apr 8, 2011

A Coward, A Dreamer.

It's been a while since I posted up any sketches. It's there in my book, just that I haven't transferred them digitally. Since the last time, my netbook's been reformatted and upgraded a bit. The Photoshop at least. It looks like a monster I've never met. Kinda scares me a little.

My brother quit his job recently. That means I will be the only one working and with a salary. I did some calculations and with my salary, it wouldn't be enough to cover everything, especially if there's an emergency. I would need at least RM300 more. Lord, if only I make 3K per month...

...but I don't, and life goes on. I remember my first payback, way back in 2009, with my first job after graduation. It was only RM400. It was so stressful and I even had suicidal thoughts. I had no idea how we survived at that time. My brother was only working at a tuition centre back then. I really don't want to live through that dark stage again. I need to make a change, but how?

Taking on a second job is impossible. I go to work at 8 a.m and finish by 5.30 p.m. Because I take the bus, it's another 2 hours to reach home. Weekends are precious because its the only time I can catch up with housework and maybe some rest.

Am I giving too many excuses? I feel I am. Maybe I'm in a comfort zone right now. I want to break out of this funk. But I am a coward. I am afraid of failure, I am afraid of my own future.

But I am a dreamer too. I'm thinking of setting up, opening an online shop. I'm looking into something I CAN DO in my own time. I mean, RM300 might not be a lot of money for some, but it is for me. I need a way, a solution to my problem. I just can't see it yet.

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