Munya Munya!

PART 4: The Finale!

2012-01-13T09:30:00.000+08:00

When I opened that door... Holy Mother of...!!!!

Later that day, after bowls of cat food and a marathon of Chi’s Sweet Home...

Now, it's WAR!!!

Hi everyone! I hope you enjoyed the Bulu series! :D

Last year, a bunch of Malaysian comic & doodle bloggers decided to come together and make THIS:

The idea was for a New Year special. Since2012 is the Year of the Dragon (according to the Chinese calendar) and the endof the world (according to the Mayan calendar), the theme of this collaboration revolves around a group of maniacs (the Doom Bringers; DB. ehe!) who wants to destroy Earth, and a group of angels(The Protectors of Earth; P.o.E) who are trying to put a stop to this nefarious plan.

As you can see, Bulu is one of the angels.

Bulu: Nyaaaa!!!

Oh sorry, Bulu and his friends. (Only because there were too little goodguys at the time…)

...okay, okay! It’s because Bulu is a niceguy. :P

This was supposed to be up last December; hence the Christmas scene in Part 3. I think I’m the last to put it uphuhuhuhu... T-T
If you want, you can build your own KittenArmy by downloading this handy dandy zip file containing each of the kitties in PNG format. You can copy each of the kitties (and the bombs!) and pastethen infinitely, at your own pleasure! :D

But please, be kind and don’t misuse the pics, i.e. by selling the pics, or taking credit for them. If you made yourkitten army, share your work here on my Facebook page or put your links here in thecomments section. I’d love to see them!

I’d like to thank these bunch of peoplehere....

The Doom Bringers (Left Side)
1. Ernest Ng (http://dontlikethatbro.blogspot.com)
2. Aujinz (http://aujinz.blogspot.com/)

3. syuthekitteh (http://syuthekitteh.tumblr.com/)
4. Miss Morbids (http://missmorbids.net)
5. Miao&WafuPafu (http://akiraceo.com)
6. UTAR Boy (http://utarboy.blogspot.com)
7. Pauline Low (http://iknowyoudontgiveadamnaboutmylife.blogspot.com)
8. Robin (http://burungrobin.blogspot.com)
9.The Sharkox (http://www.thesharkox.com/)

The Protector of Earth (Right Side)
1. Amin Aizuddin (http://amin-aizuddin.blogspot.com)
2. Egg&Yolk (http://theeggyolks.blogspot.com)
3. Kendy's life a.k.a house88kend (http://kendylife.blogspot.com)
4. A Medical Student Life Told in Comics (http://www.mistersimpleton.blogspot.com)
5. cheeChingy (http://cheechingy.com)
6. Bolehland (http://bolehland.net)
7. SE (http://syafeikaedora.blogspot.com)
8. Dorky Guy (http://dorkyguy.blogspot.com)
9. Kyoru (http://koudamainframe.blogspot.com) <---- This guy made the cool videos!
10. SayaDoodle (http://sayadoodle.com)
11. Pek Chek Kia (http://pekchekkia.com)

...for a wonderful experience. Let’s do more collaborations in the future, guys! \o/ Go go check them all out!

Even more thanks and love to ALL my readers,who have been very patient with Bulu's antics (and mine!) these past few days.

I’d also like to thank three men who helped me with this series: Saifuland Sabri, who let me use their mobile broadband for an insane amount of time toupload these pictures, and Ganaesh <3 , who reviewed and edited everything!

I learned two things from doing this project:
1. It is possible to post everyday; but
2. It will sap the energy out of you!

Your comments, replies, laughter and enjoyment were the things that kept me going, dear readers! Thank you again from the bottom of my heart! ;3

Now... I’m off to hibernate!

Oh, wait. Feed Bulu first! *hops away*

P.S: In case you're wondering about the phone...

PART 3: Last Christmas

2012-01-11T17:09:00.002+08:00

The mystery continues to... wait what, it's Christmas?!

But... but... WHAT'S POE?!

Believe it or not, the answer IS coming up soon!
Very very soon!
Promise! :3

PART 2: Call To Action!

2012-01-10T15:43:00.000+08:00

Bu... but who is POE?, you ask.

Don't tell me that this is the end?!

No, dear readers. This is not the end.

To Be Continued... again!

P.S: I don't think the next part will be anymore enlightening. XD

PART 1: The Call

2012-01-09T10:34:00.000+08:00

Who is POE?
Why is Earth under attack?
Why is Bulu so cute?
Where the heck was I?!

Questions, questions, so many questions!

To be continued... IN PART 2!

PROLOGUE: I Tease You!

2012-01-05T16:48:00.000+08:00

Hi.

There's something big happening soon.

Watch this space.

C.

Just A Little Update.

2011-12-15T16:57:00.001+08:00

Hi everyone. :)

You must have noticed the lack of updates these past few weeks. The truth is, I haven't been feeling like myself lately. Some of you may already have known what have happened, some may not.

My father had passed away on the 23rd of November, at 9:40 a.m.

It is so strange writing down these words. Looking at it now, it feels as if I somehow misplaced him somewhere and I just forgot. Using the word "deceased" makes it sound too clinical and/or impersonal (like it happened to someone else). I refuse to use it because deep down he still exist to me.

It's the memories that make it real.

The open window in his room. The clothes he used to wear. The bottles he used to drink from. That faint hospital smell. His favourite ring. His wheelchair. The memories come and flood me, and when it happens... I become flustered. I forget what I was doing or what I needed to do. I guess if I have to describe the feeling... it's like there's a giant hole. A giant hole where my dad had been.

These past two years, my father had been the center of everything I was. I don't feel right if I have to leave my dad for too long. He had dementia, and you could never tell what might happen. He had other health problems too. There was this one time, I had came home late. When my brother and I reached home, it was dark and my dad was lying on the floor because he fell down. I looked for a new job after that. I was so scared. I felt like I had to do right by my father because I wasn't there when my mother passed away. I still can't get over that. It's not a sacrifice nor is it a responsibility. It was... just something I needed to do.

I hope my father passed away peacefully. I was at the hospital with him, holding his hand, because my siblings and I believed that he'd be that bit stronger if we held him. I held him because I don't want him to feel alone in a ward full of strangers. Maybe it's the romantic side of me that believes I am transferring my strength to him too. He suffered through heart attacks, stroke and some other complications and fought his last battle that day. When he went, at least he was surrounded by his family, the people who loved him.

Who still loves him.

Maybe that guilt of not taking care of him better (or that feeling of having have failed him as a daughter) will never go away. Just like it was with my mother. Maybe I could've done more or done something else. The "what ifs" and "I could haves" are always on my mind. It will probably be there for a long, long time. I know its unhealthy to dwell on these things, but I remember the good things, too.

The way he used to grin or the kisses he gave me. The little pats as he walked past me. The little jokes he used to tell. The indulgences he gives me. The strange gifts he used to bring home. The values and beliefs he taught. And the wishes he had of his children; to be happy and to be a human being. These memories are bittersweet.

I may still wake up in the middle of the night, thinking he's calling for me. I may still feel that pang, when I enter his room. But its okay. I will miss him so much like I miss my mother, but I hope, wherever he is now, he's with my mother, maybe squabbling as old couple often do, but happy.

Rest in peace, dad. I love you.

The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.
- George Elliot

SUPER BUMPER DEEPAVALI SPECIAL

2011-11-04T15:03:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone! This took longer than I expected. You might have to wait a bit longer for the pictures to load because there's 17, yeah count 'em, seventeen pics for this post. XD The coloring is very basic though, but I had fun doing it.
This is the first SUPER-BUMPER-DEEPAVALI-SPECIAL episode!
Are you ready?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On Deepavali, I didn't go to any open house. Instead, I spent the time with friends. :D
I woke up and wished Ganaesh a Happy Deepavali and got ready for the first item of the day - Hiking!
My colleagues, Haziq and Rosina, picked me up at home and the three of us went to Taman Tun Fuad in Bukit Padang.
Tracy Dukes mentions this place in her blog. Do check it out as she has better pics of the place than I do. (I forgot to bring my camera hahaha)
Haziq and Ros have been here before and they became my guide. Though Ros was more a mountain goat than guide, she has the stamina of one! We started climbing at 9.30 a.m. (which is actually a bad idea unless you're wearing sunblock lotion XD) The day was hot, bright and clear. In short, a wonderful day.

Note: Its supposed to be "Mysterious rocks". Somebody (or something) left the pile of rocks beside a path we took. It was perfectly balanced. It's mysterious because we don't know what it is for.

(P/s No, they're not dating XD)
And despite the heat and the complaining about the stairs (yeah, it was too many XD) I'd still go and climb that hill again. Provided I have friends going up there. I'd hate to think what will happen to me if I go at it alone.

After the climb, I had another 'appointment' with another group of friends. Specifically, I was going to meet "La Familia", my high school mates. :D So, Haziq was quite concerned that my clothes was dirty and me going to meet my friends looking like I just climbed a hill (which I did). This was what happened:

Yeah... My clean pair of pants was torn. TWICE. AT TWO DIFFERENT PLACES. So, I had to change to the other, dirtier, one.
*sigh* I'm gaining weight again...
[BTW, for new readers, an alllyooo moment refers to this.]
I changed pants in the car. The both of them didn't even notice it until I told them. lol! I used a towel to change. They dropped me off at Karamunsing Complex because that's where we all decided to meet up, specifically at Karamunsing's KK Box.
Talking about my towel.....

(For the curious, this is the song I'm singing.)

And then suddenly, out of nowhere.

Hahaha! They really are annoyed with that towel.
I had that towel just in case I tumble down the hill and get myself dirty.If I did, I would need the towel to take a bath. I didn't fall but I did sweat like crazy. Its fine but the karaoke place was so cold, I couldn't stand it. Same thing at the Yoyo cafe, it was raining, I couldn't stand the cold. (Yes, despite the fact that I'm fat) I had no jacket, so I had to make do with the towel to keep myself warm. :D Don't worry, I don't usually go out with my towel as a shawl.

Anyway, that day Ez, Fion, Vane, Jes, Rina and Dy came. We karaoke-ed our lungs out (okay, I karaoke-ed MY lungs out) and then we went to Lintas's Yoyo Cafe for a heart to heart talk and general updating on what's been happening in our lives. It was something very meaningful and personal, the details of which I cannot disclose here. But, it made me realize and re-affirm the fact that I have wonderful, wonderful friends.We finally stopped talking at 7 pm. and Ez sent me home after that. I look forward to our next meet up. Heee

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So there you go, a whole day of activity. Which is rare for me.
Before I go, I'd just like to wish everyone a (belated) Happy Deepavali and a happy holiday (there's one coming up: Raya Korban/Haji).
I hope you enjoyed it! :)

Come, Join the Creative Revolution!

2011-11-04T09:00:00.000+08:00

It's time.
It's time, my friends.
It's time, to unleash our creativity.

Have you ever heard of the 11 Eleven Project?

It's a worldwide creativity explosion which starts on that there date up there. You can write, take photos, make movies, or make music. You might need a theme, yes? Well this here, down here, are the 11 suggested topics to talk about. The best part? Its up to your interpretation.

Go register yourselves there in the site. Let's make our mark.

Get ready, friends! The countdown is on! I'm doing... something! I have no idea what I'm doing just yet, but I'm doing something! Come, let's do something together! :3

My Word, My Card!

2011-10-28T12:40:00.000+08:00

Remember this post? Well, guess what? I colored them!

As promised here's the finished product. (lol)

These two are just the backgrounds on either sides of the card.

Front!

Back!

Now, its Ganaesh's turn to put in the words and information (because I suck at typography and all that stuff heh).

Oh, here's an idea I had, but I'm still not very satisfied with it still. Here, have a look.

Haha, it's the first time I used CorelDraw to draw that speech bubble.

The information here is not correct. I still haven't done my Facebook page, and that's not my Twitter username. :3

Whatcha think? :3

Anyway, I don't want this namecard to be just a name card. I plan to use it as a gift card and "thank you" card. After that it can continue its life as a bookmark. And maybe, just maybe, travel all over the world (something that I can't afford to do just yet). That's why I want it to be very fun and alive.

I don't know if I've achieved that with this design, but I do love how it's turned out at this stage.

Now, fingers crossed and let's wait for Ganaesh to work his magic on this. X3

On... the... EDGE!!!

2011-10-25T13:00:00.001+08:00

I can't wait for the semester to finish.

I can't wait to resume ALL the sketches, the half-done inking, the coloring, the sewing projects, the craft projects, the blogs I wanted to upload, the pictures I want to take...

I want...I want...I WANT TO DO THINGS!!! I am TIRED of marking papers! Doing reports! Translations!!!

I want to CREATE!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

*a-huh a-huh*

So, yah. :3

WRITERS WANTED! By: Bulu Munya

2011-10-20T12:04:00.001+08:00

Hi, today Bulu (yes, the cat on the banner has a name :3) decided to help a friend. Bulu and Wally went to school together. Hahaha
But seriously, Wally is a mascot/logo for Borneo Geographic and a species of frogs called Wallace's Flying Frog.
Borneo Geographic is now looking for writers for their new magazine. :3 If you're interested or would like to know more, you can do so by emailing Collin D'Owill at collinmunya@yahoo.com or pokepoke him at his FB.
Hurry! The offer ~~lasts till tomorrow (21st October 2011)~~ stands until December! XD

(This was done using pen on paper and Bulu did the coloring XD)

Munya Munya Challenge!

2011-10-12T13:36:00.000+08:00

This is my challenge...

I challenge you to look at the picture below and DON'T SING THE THEME SONG!

If you didn't, then it can only mean one of two things: you're NOT a child of the 80s, or you don't know the song.

/singing to self/
jemjemismynameooooojem~~nyanyanyanoutrageouscontagious~~ooo~~

Synergy, its SHOWTIME!

My Name Is Rain. CHErain.

2011-10-11T12:00:00.000+08:00

I'm still getting used to Blogger's new layout. Its very... stylish. There's this one part in the new layout that gets me excited: the stats page.It says here I have.... holy crap, 435 pageviews last month! XD But... macam tipu saja ni.

Also it says I have the most pageviews from north America! What the... spam-bots?!

True or not, I am very happy over this. :D Especially for my frequent readers/fans. XD *perasan popular*

I haven't been updating as frequently as I want to because, like the fail-whale that I am, I managed to get my Internet barred. (Yes, I paid the bills... and yes, I'm now waiting for the unbarring.) What I am using now is the weefee (wi-fi) in the ICT office where I work. Its full of men... with computers...

...anyway, I may have mentioned/nagged previously about getting my own namecard. It's been bugging me a lot lately, because I can't figure out what it should look like. Not the lecturer's namecard, I'll just make something simple for that. But the drawing side of me.. now THAT would take something more different.And this is what I came up with.

This is the back of the card...

...and this is the front of the card!

What do you think? I haven't had time to colour any of them yet. Thus, the reason for all the black and white drawings lately. The finals will be on October 31st, so us lecturers need to get ready for that. And by 'get ready', I mean ~~whipping~~ preparing the students.

Have a lovely week everyone, and thanks for dropping by! :)

The Loooooong Sigh.

2011-10-10T12:38:00.000+08:00

I was playing around with panels, and... this is Ganaesh when he does something he isn't supposed to. :3 *patpats Ganaesh* :D

... and I somehow managed to rub off the dots for the "I"s. Now it reads "alllyoooo" instead of "aiiiiiyooooo"! *facepalm*

Scaredy Cat, and A Night of Superstitions

2011-09-15T12:00:00.004+08:00

A few months back I had one of those sleepless night everyone has. When I couldn't sleep, I would read. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. So that particular night was very quiet. Any sound will carry into my room. Around midnight, I heard the dunsai.

If you're a Kadazan, the dunsai is not a sound you're likely to forget once you heard it. Its so eerie that it sends shivers up and down your back and its only played with 3 gongs, using only one note. *shivers* Its the sound that tells you that somewhere out there, someone has passed away.

Then I heard dogs barking. Very near to my house. Seems like the dogs bark from far up the street and come down my street. I remember that dogs can see the spirit world. There's even one saying that if you put tahi mata anjing on your eyes, you can see that world, too. And the sound of the dogs barking was like there was someone walking down the street.

By this time I was trying to calm myself. The worst was yet to come; the banging on the door! Not only did it sound like somebody was banging the door with their fist, it sounded like they used both fists too! It felt like they were banging on my front door!

Suffice to say it was a looong night for me. The sounds didn't stop after that. It just kept on going and going. It was a weird and scary night for me, aitelyu! D: Thankfully there was Gtalk, and Ganaesh and Patrick told me that I'll be fine.

P.S: What's tahi mata in English, anyway?

Arrrr, Come Ride On Me Bus!

2011-09-15T00:00:00.011+08:00

One thing about Kota Kinabalu is the fact that the bus is efficient. Though the quality is terrible, there's ALWAYS a bus. Its easier to go into KK than it is to travel out of KK.

I, myself, don't have a car. So the bus is my only viable option to travel to and from work (excluding my brother's kindness of sending me to work). Now, going in and out of KK is easy, it's the going into the kampung areas that's tricky. For that, we need the pirate van.

A pirate van is a privately owned van that may or may not be under a union. It's something like a 'teksi sapu'. These pirate vans will wait at a designated place for passengers. Once the bus is full, it will move. The waiting time could be from as short as 5 minutes to as long as 2 hours, depending on the time of day. As it's a van, it is really small and sometimes the driver will let 4 people sit on a 3-seater. Woe to those big bodied people. During this occasion is when I feel the fattest :(

It's worse in the evening, because by then all the mosquitoes come out and feast on the passengers. And I hate mosquitoes with a passion because of that dengue incident. D:

Rainbows, Unicorns, Mad Photoshop Skills!

2011-09-14T12:53:00.001+08:00

So, I bought some new pens to replace the ones I've lost. Unfortunately, I forgot that 0.4-size pens do not translate well once scanned. Whoops! XO This means that I have to post the pic in its original size, or you won't be able to read it!

Today's post is a comic :3 (Because I feel that I haven't done ANY recently).

UPDATE! I decided to colour it! It's about time, don't you think? :3 Whatcha guys think?

Photoshop is difficult for me! One day I hope I can use it to its full advantage! *fingers crossed* :D

Ganaesh's New Girl: Anna!

2011-09-14T12:22:00.000+08:00

This is Ganaesh. He usually look like this. Quite a serious looking chap, isn't he?

Well there aren't that many things that can rattle his serious demeanour. Which is why I take much enjoyment in making him tick :3. Besides yours truly, he gets excited about all things anime, movies, games (a regular ota-geek) and of course... gadgets!

Namely, his phone. As you can see, he loves his N8 and its quite adorable to see him fondling that thing. The things he does with that phone... XD

Anyway! A few months back, the phone got sick or something. Had to spend quite some time in the Nokia service centre. And even after that, they told him that it would never be the same, the poor thing. It's quite a pity because the phone can do some pretty impressive stuff. All seemed bleak when some good news came.

One word: Anna.

Now, Anna is the name of his current obsession. LOL! More specifically, a new firmware update for his phone. I hear it's fast and spiffy. Can't wait to see it for myself. :)

I hope your phone is fine now, by.

P.S: Belle is the second firmware update. That's coming soon. Ho boy.

Giving Twitter some love

2011-08-17T15:05:00.000+08:00

Haven't been updating since my dad got admitted in the hospital. But now that he's out (though not yet about) I can give some love to my sadly neglected

blog
sketchbook
ink pens (which reminds me, I need some new one. A few is missing and one dried up)
boyfriend (heh)

Now, I'm slowly going through my sketchbooks and trying to finish what I've started a few months ago. I've done a few and one of them is an idea for a twitter back ground. :) I made two! They're all colored and very lulz looking too!
Side note: I know not many people use Twitter now but what the hey. And by not using Twitter, I meant not using the actual site. I, myself, am using Destroy Twitter.
Anyway the inspiration of these backgrounds is this:


Lookee its fail whale!

Are you ready? Yeah?
Here's the first one...

Wheeee!

Just like fail whale, some bird is picking me up. Does that mean that Twitter is down? Nooooo. It just means I'm up ;) So if you visit my Twitter page, you'll see this PLUS some lulz words provided by my..Ganaesh. Hehehe
Okay the the second pic is kinda my favourite between the two. I give you....

Cherane: Rider of the Fail Whale!

Bwahahahaha! *wipe laughter tears away*
I can't help it. Every time I see this pic it makes me laugh.
Well that's it from me this time. I hope you enjoyed it.
:D

Jom Conteng!

2011-05-15T00:05:00.001+08:00

Hello everynyan! Have you ever heard of Fadhli Hamdan before? No? Well he’s a guy who loves to conteng (doodle). In fact his blog is called ContengConteng. :D

His wonderful style, drawn on sticky notes reminds you of Doug Savage of Savage Chicken fame, and his cat-related stories may remind you of the Simon’s Cat comic strips. He draws about his memories of childhood, where he went to school, everyday happenings, and I guess anything that might strike his fancy. After a 10-year hiatus, he continued to doodle and even managed to produce 2 books! I am jealous. :p

Now, his website is officially a year old (Happy Birthday!) and he’s hosting a competition. Now, I don’t know if I’ll win, but…in his own words: Tak salah mencuba. And here I am trying. :)

Note: The rest of the entry will be in Malay. IF there’re any spelling mistakes or grammatical mistakes..Sorry :D

Selalunya, entri blog saya dalam Bahasa Inggeris, sebab bila saya berbahasa Melayu, bunyinya macam buku teks darjah 2. Demi minat terhadap suatu peraduan dari blog conteng2, saya akan menggunakan bahasa kebangsaan. Harap pembaca sekalian bersabar. (Sebenarnya bahasa bukanlah salah satu keperluan dalam peraduan tersebut, tapi saya saja nak guna juga. :3 )

Hah, entri hari ni adalah respons kepada capaian dia bertajuk Aku Ingat Lagi: Keputusan Hari UPSR. Anda ingat lagi masa UPSR anda? Masa tu pelajar Muslim akan mengambil PAFA, jadi jumlah mata pelajaran bagi mereka ialah 5, tetapi bagi pelajar-pelajar yang lain, hanya empat jumlahnya: Bahasa Melayu (Karangan), Bahasa Melayu (Pemahaman), Bahasa Inggeris, dan Matematik. Rasanya budak-budak sekarang mesti cemburu dekat kita kan?

Saya bersekolah di SK Tanjung Aru 1, sebuah sekolah kecil berhampiran pantai dan lapangan terbang. Kelas saya 6 Ikhlas (rasanya); nama kelas masa tu baru di tukar kepada ‘Nilai-nilai murni’. Asalnya nama-nama warna saja. Saya seorang pelajar yang biasa, taklah terlalu bijak, banyak kawan, kuat bermain dan sedikit pelik. Kadang-kala bila memakai pakaian sukan, Makcik Kantin akan salah sangka saya ni lelaki dan memanggil saya “Boy”. Ni pasal saya ada dua orang abang yang suka berlatih memotong rambut... menggunakan rambut saya. -_-''

Tahun keputusan UPSR saya ialah 1996. Hari tersebut dah tak ingat. Yang saya ingat, kami semua dikumpulkan dalam satu perhimpunan kecil di bawah matahari. Bukan sahaja keputusan kami diumumkan, malah sekolah menengah yang kami akan ditempatkan. Guru kelas kami, En. Aminuddin ditugaskan untuk membaca keputusan setiap pelajar.

Saya ingat lagi betapa gemuruhnya saya. Pada masa ini, saya teringatkan betapa tegasnya guru dan ibu bapa kami mendorong kami semua untuk belajar. Saya mula berasa takut jika saya gagal dalam UPSR. Tapi yang paling menakutkan ialah “hukuman” yang akan ayah berikan kepada saya jika saya gagal. Ayah seorang yang tegas. Biasalah, dia seorang anggota polis. Tuhan sajalah tahu betapa gugupnya saya.

Satu persatu nama dan keputusan disebut. Ada kawan yang mula marah dan menangis. Ada yang gembira dan ketawa. Pelajar yang mendapat 4A atau 5A dijemput untuk datang ke depan dan membuat satu barisan. Adakah saya salah seorang daripada mereka?

Akhirnya nama saya di sebut. Rasanya seperti semuanya berlaku dalam ‘slow motion’.

“Cherane Christopher. Keputusan… 2A...” Matilah aku!!!! Ayah mesti akan halau saya keluar dari rumah!
“...dan 2A!” Terpaku sekejap.
2A dan... 2A?
Kebolehan mengira saya tiba-tiba hilang. 2 campur 2 bukankah 4?
ASTAGA! 4A KAN? SAYA DAPAT 4A!! Kaki terasa seperti agar-agar. Tapi hati riang! En Aminuddin saja nak bagi saya panik.
“Sekolah kamu St Francis Convent.” Entahlah apakebendanya ni masa tu. (Kemudian saya dapat tahu, rupanya sekolah menengah perempuan.)

Saya bergerak ke depan, bersebelahan dengan rakan-rakan yang lain. Kemudian, saya menelefon ayah dengan telefon awam. Nak tahu apa ayah kata? “Ok la tu.” "Teruja" sangat dia.

P.S: Kami di suruh berkumpul di hadapan pasal sekolah telah menjemput wartawan dari akhbar tempatan buat liputan. Ni gambarnya! :D

Apakah 3 perkara yang paling anda suka dengan blog ContengConteng?

Siri yang menarik
Lukisan yang bersahaja
Cerita tersangat nostalgia

Apakah 3 perkara yang anda rasa boleh diperbaiki?

Kekerapan blog
Lagi banyak cerita kucing
Lagi banyak pertandingan

Apakah 3 barangan (merchandise) yang anda ingin blog ContengConteng hasilkan? (Contoh: Mug, T-shirt, Kad Ucapan)

Plushie
Sticker
Key chain

May Springs Eternal

2011-05-11T19:38:00.000+08:00

May.

A while back I tweeted about my love-hate relationship with May. It’s a very emotional and tiring month for me. But never mind, I’ll take it one day at a time.

On the first of May, I joined the Borneo International Marathon. I didn’t live-tweet it, but I did take pictures. Also I promised to write a blog about it.

This is not that blog.

Though I took pictures, there were a few other incidents which were interesting that escaped my camera. *takes out pens and pencil* Which means I’ll have to do it the old-fashioned way. Which also means it would take some time. So you’ll just have to be patient to see me all sweaty and sexy that day.

(‘scuse me I have to… *bwahahahhahaha* on that last part)

*cough* eherm. Yes, so I was saying, this is not about my adventures in BIM but actually about…

Mother’s Day! /throws confetti/

Now, I’m the kind of person who personally dislikes Mother’s Day. One, because I don’t have a mum and Two, the next day, midnight, will be her anniversary. So, since 2006, I associate it with extremely hurtful memories.

But not this year! This year, I plan to actually grow up (a little) or man up to it. I want to focus on other memories that’s not hurtful and not of that day. I’m still a mass of guilt and regret and anger, but I want to make a change.

For those of you who enjoy my drawings, today’s post is a treat for you. :D It’s a part of my childhood, and I hope it reminds you of yours, too (in a nice way).

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Now, I was an angel when I was a child.

(God: Eherm!)

Okay, I was a bratty, (a bit) spoilt, headstrong child. In short, I was not cute. I’m not the kind of kid that old people will want to carry on their shoulder or bosoms. My own grandmother chooses or prefers my cousins over me. My female cousins are more glamorous, cute, pretty, talented, and diligent than me. Lol! It’s just the way things are, and it’s fine by me. It also means I roll with the boys more than the girls. Once my mom admitted that she wanted a boy and that’s why my hair was always cut short, and she bought me shirts and pants. This fact is also unconfirmed because I wasn’t sure if she was joking or not, but I was there when she said it.

So, anyway, today’s post is a little about my past and a little about Malaysia’s favourite past time: food!

Mothers are usually associated with being the best cooks. My mother, bless her soul, could cook AND bake. I’ve heard tales my elder siblings coming home from school to always have cake waiting for them at home. But by the time I came along, well, let’s just say my mom ‘retired’ from that. Ah, jealous is my middle name. Thankfully, she didn’t retire from cooking. Just simple dishes that tasted like they were meant for kings. I’d carefully eat them, and by carefully I meant I’d play with them.

(Reader: Play? As in “food fight” play?)

No, dear reader. Keep in mind I was a naughty kid. By play, I mean…ah it’s easier if I give an example.

Every morning, mom or dad would cook breakfast before I went to school. Bread was expensive, so I either had fried noodles or fried rice. Now, I could do all sorts of things with noodles. I could suck it halfway and pull it out from my mouth. So I will have this tingling feeling in my throat. I’d do this again and again. Yes, now I see that this is really gross, but BACK THEN it was fascinating. My second elder brother, Chester (who I call Bonong) would take this one step further. He could make the noodle come out of his nose. Now, what is a young and impressionable girl to do? Emulate, of course! But much to my disappointment, I couldn’t do it.

But I drew the line with rice. I come from a farming family. To be more specific, we are rice planters. Since little, I have a deep respect for rice. You know the saying “sebutir beras, setitik peluh petani”? I believe in this wholeheartedly. I grew up going to paddy fields, planting rice with my own hands and seeing them grow and transform into perfect little pearls of awesomeness. It’s damn difficult, I tell you.

Oh yeah, it was also because my grandmother told me, whenever I didn’t finish my rice, “If you don’t eat all your rice, the chickens will cry”.

I was a kid. I’d believe ANYTHING!

So, not wanting to hear or see freaky chickens cry, I would finish all my rice. Up to this day. If you see me not finishing the rice it means I’m sick or there’s something wrong with me. In my little world, toys, rice and fish are the best things God can give to mankind.

(Plus: if you ever had the misfortune of sneezing or coughing while eating rice, you’d know that it’s DAMN painful when its stuck up your nose)

Now, that I’ve grown up, I see now how intimate food can be and how rituals or habits quietly bond people together. That act of getting up early in the morning, preparing food, enjoying them together. Boring stuffs. Like the little boy in “Up” said, it’s the boring stuff that you remember.

My breakfast was like this: I’d sit there at the big dining table in the kitchen, with food in front of me, and the kitchen would be the only room lit up. Mom or dad would prepare the food and drink. The drink will be either hot Milo or hot Nespray or Milkmaid milk. Sometimes, when there’s extra food, mom would make me “tapau” for lunch. If not, she would give me 20 or 50 sen lunch money.

My “tapau” container was never regular. One day it could be an ice-cream container, another day it could be the Axion container. Basically, it would be any container she could find. My water bottle was more special: it could be the standard issue free gift from Milo, the cordial bottle, or some other product. Mineral water bottles was unheard of. I guess it was too expensive for us. I didn’t mind, but I would mind if any of the container smelled of detergent. If it was too bad, I wouldn’t eat it.

During the quiet hours of the morning, we would hardly talk. Some days it’s just a bunch of questions and some days it’s all quiet-like. I didn’t offer much information if nobody asked me. But it’s okay. Then the school bus would arrive, and off I would go to school.

But you wanna know what’s the best thing?

The best thing was rice balls.

I’m not talking about the Melakan rice balls here. I’m talking about rice being clumped together with a bit of fried fish or chicken, going into your mouth, fed to you from your mother’s hand. There’s no impersonal lifeless clink of the metal spoon hitting your teeth, just all-around softness.

My parents do this sometimes. I don’t get that hungry during lunch after kindy. (They provide food during classes). So when its lunch time at home, my parents would be eating together and I’d be playing some game by myself. But I’d go to the kitchen table and I’d want to taste whatever they’re eating. They eat with their hand, so I’d be given the food from their hand too. I remember seeing them picking the bones off the fish and putting it on top of a bit of rice and the next minute it would magically turn into a ball, just big enough for my mouth. And I’d be so happy and run around munching and came back again when I finish nyom-ing.

And I knew I was growing because as I grew, I’d experienced this less and less, until eventually it stopped.

So, there you go. My two memories of childhood with my mother involving food. I guess it’s just boring stuff, but they are some of the memories I remember the most. I miss her terribly around this time of year. Forgive this maudlin gal.

Happy Mother’s Day, everybody!

P.S: I hope you enjoyed the pics I drew. I didn’t have the heart to colour it.

Runny Nose Days!

2011-05-08T22:54:00.000+08:00

Hello there. After a long hiatus of not drawing anything, today’s post features a (rough) comic. Did you miss me? I missed you. The good news is, exam is coming up, which means I’ll have more time to draw and make crafts.

I still remember my promises to @geminianeyes, @silvennia, @Ahmad Justin and @acidburn711 to draw profile pics for them.There was also a special request for Momo the chirping cat. (Whew, that’s a long list!) *sweats* Gomen-ne, it takes a long time I'll get on it as soon as I can.

So, what’s today’s comic about? Well…

Recently Munirah got sick and I posted something on her Facebook wall that she didn't get. My joke was too low brow. Aha~

So, I promised to illustrate it for her. Here's to you, Munirah! Hope you get well soon, beautiful :)

(Warning: It's a bodily function. So it might be gross for some viewers. XD)

Side note: Did you notice, this is the first time I coloured a comic. Been a long time since I handled Photoshop, and looks like I need to practice more.

Girly Time on Valentine's Day!

2011-04-11T00:38:00.000+08:00

Malaysia is awesome, even an irreverent day like Valentine's Day could be an issue. What made me laugh so hard was when a Muslim religious authority said that it was a Christian holy day. Woot!

There are only three things my father asked me to do. First, work in an air-conditioned room; second, NEVER buy a second-hand car; and third is to NEVER venture into politics. I have thankfully done all three. The only reason I mentioned this was so I would remember the moment in 2011 when Malaysia would consider Valentine's Day as HARAM. I see what you did there, Malaysia. Nais.

So what did you do on Valentine's Day? Me? I was... a bridesmaid.

Yep, you read that right. Big ol' me became a bridesmaid. And no, Ganaesh does not magically appear in this story. He was doing Ganaesh-y things on Valentine’s Day. :3

This is not a story about the wedding. That is Lia’s story to tell. This is just a story where I became selfish and pretty and tired and happy in the space of one week.

Warning, bapak panjang post nih!

My cousin (who I love so much and would do anything for, including putting my big butt into a tight, short dress in front of my relatives) once asked me to be her bridesmaid for her, and I said yes. That request was made waaaay back during my high school years, and it surprised me to no end that she still remembered that promise. Though my body has grown horizontally since then and she is kinda myopic in things like this, (Me: But I’m so... big. Her: What? Manada. Ok, ba tu.) I said yes (with trepidation) to the offer. (Refer previous post). That was over a year ago. I thought I could lose a ton of weight before the big day.

No, dear readers, that didn't happen. What did happen was this.

I joined a 10km marathon, a 7km sunset run, a 4km city run, and a 2km World Walking Day event. The "losing weight" part didn't really work out, but I did get a few inches of my waist back. Her wedding was scheduled for December, but one of her relatives passed away and it was pushed back to 14th February. It’s not just that it's Valentine’s Day but it also marks the day of her engagement a year before. A normal person would continue on exercising and slowly go on losing weight. I'm not normal. I stopped running and exercising. When the week before the big day came along, I was cursing myself for being fat. But Lia, bless her soul, said it's okay. Just come to the fitting and try out the dress. They already tried it on her elder sister (?) and her uncle (?!) and were confident I could fit... and it did fit, somewhat. It was too short for church (it was a bit above my knees) and the one of the hole for the hand is too tight.

The dress itself is sleeveless, gold in colour with lace, and has a bandage/layer detail on the skirt. It has a band under the bust and my favourite, two pockets. It also comes with a brown belt. When I wear it, I look like a member of Wonder Girls.

So, all that was left was the alteration on the dress, finding a pair of white shoes, manicures, pedicures, contacts, and getting my eyebrows trimmed. The most important thing was for me to maintain my weight; it's too late to lose any, but I have to keep myself from gaining anymore.

Now, I'm not a girly girl (look at that pic!). I neither have the grace nor the elegance to be one. I just can't be bothered by playing a role that I'm not comfortable with. I was raised to be able to do anything regardless of my gender (whatever this means). The caveat was that I be a good girl, and that's it. I remember the times when I would go to church with Lia and her family, and during the service Lia would be pushing my legs together because I was sitting like a boy. She must have been so relieved with this dress because it forces my legs together. XD I'd love to be a girly girl, like the heroines in soaps or shoujo mangas. It’s just not in me. *sigh* So, being a bridesmaid, a girly girl, was a bigger challenge for me than for most people.

This is the story of the transformation.

First! I went and bought myself contacts (both clear and coloured) and practiced wearing them for a week. It was so weird and scared the life out of me. I couldn't tell if it’s there or not, and the idea of rubbing my finger on my iris still creeps me out to this day. It's such an inconvenience because I felt like rubbing my eyes the whole time. One eye is blurry because I have astigmatism in that eye, and the optician had warned me that it will only be 80% clear. (In my line of work, 80% is great; it’s already an 'A'. I found out later how wrong I was) It was kinda okay after the third day. I had to sing the Hokey Pokey every time I put the contacts in though.

Second! My eyebrows. They are thick, bushy and dark. My only consolation is that they don't form one line and create a unibrow. XD Anyway, I was really going to go to a beauty salon and get them trimmed or at least under control, when the bride's sister said, "It's okay, the makeup artists will do them on that day."

They didn't.

Third! Shoes. Not just any shoes, high heels. After my convocation fiasco which unfortunately brought me to tears (I wore heels and I cried because it was so painful; my feet became swollen!), I hated high heels with a passion. Kitten heels are fine, espadrilles (wedges) are fine, just not high heels. I wear selipar jepun everywhere, much to Ganaesh's dismay. My feet are shaped like duck feet. They don't have sexy curves or anything fancy. They're just a practical pair of feet, which is fine by me. But even I have to agree that weddings require heels. Hm

At the wedding reception dinner rehearsal (it was at the Grand Borneo Ballroom, a really fancy-schmancy place) I admitted to Lia that I haven't bought shoes. You know what she did? Told me it’s okay and I go my merry way? NO! She did more than that, she dropped everything and brought Beth (our friend and also the maid of honour) around 1Borneo to find the perfect white shoes for me. *touched* We visited Vincci, Bata, Charles and Keith but no luck. We finally went to Lea's Shoes (Lia jokingly said, "Ya, mari pigi kedai kasut saya!") and found them there.

Fourth! Manicure and pedicure. Lia was actually in the middle of a manicure when she went to the rehearsal and subsequently the impromptu shoe hunt. So Beth and I went along with her. Oh, I forgot to mention, this was the day before the wedding. (Now you can see how inconsiderate of me to find shoes at the last minute and what an angel my cousin really is!) Lia got 'scolded' for chipping her manicure and it had to be redone. She did the whole nine yards! Manicure, pedicure, waxing, wax treatment, etc. While waiting, Beth and I decided on doing a manicure and pedicure, respectively.

Beth’s shoes would completely cover her toes, so she just wanted a pedicure. My toenails however, looked like a herd of elephants stomped on them, and moss and other gunky stuff started growing in them. Besides, my heels were strappy. It was a crime not taking the pedicure. Unfortunately, I couldn’t afford a manicure. It was nice seeing my toes got treated so royally. Lia picked the colours, and yes, the three of us used the same colour on our toes.

Well, except for Beth. It was on her fingers.

Fifth! Hair and make-up. On the morning of the wedding, I went to Lia’s house. It was already brimming with activity and everyone was doing something, even the babies. I didn’t take a picture of me before the makeup, but here’s a picture of the hair.

Nice eh? No, extensions were needed, no fake hair; just my own (with at least a can of hair spray). I’ve never seen it so... coiffed before. I’m such a lazy hair owner, I just let it grow and grow and when I feel stuffy I’ll cut them myself and then go to the hairdresser and get scolded by them.

Anyway, before that Lia was giving me a hard look because I was wearing my glasses. I quickly said I’ll change into my contacts then she relaxed a bit. I changed into my colored contacts and felt that they were much better than the clear ones because of the balanced degrees on both eyes. It was around that time when I realised that I should have worn a shirt so I could just unbutton it and change into my dress later, but I was wearing a T-shirt, which would destroy any makeup or hair if I removed it. Thankfully there was an extra kain sarung nearby... so there I was, walking around the place wearing kain sarung, tied up above my chest. XD

I sat in the ‘makeup section’ of the house and got myself a new face. It was the first time I wore fake eyelashes. To be honest, I hated them. My vision was cut in half as if there were blinders on my eyes. And I didn’t like the colour of my lipstick. It's fine, and it looks good, but I still don’t like the colour. Here’s the final result. What do you think?

I finally looked like a girl! <3 It was a lot of work, but I guess it was worth it. :) I felt beautiful the whole day.

Oh, the wedding? It was at a church near my house. I almost burst into tears at the part where her father gave her away. The wedding was conducted in Kadazan, but when they exchanged vows, it was in English.

It was so touching.

I love you Lia. May you and Arch be happily married forever. Gimme some kids for me to cuddle and spoil, will ya? ;)

P.S: I danced at the wedding reception. The poco-poco (Oh, no! HARAM DANCE IS HARAM!), the sumazau, the joget. The only dance I bowed out of was the first dance with my partner, one of the groom’s men. Forgot his name. (Sorry!) He played the guitar in the band. But it was for the best; it would have hurt more if we did because he’s not Ganaesh.

A Coward, A Dreamer.

2011-04-08T16:26:00.001+08:00

It's been a while since I posted up any sketches. It's there in my book, just that I haven't transferred them digitally. Since the last time, my netbook's been reformatted and upgraded a bit. The Photoshop at least. It looks like a monster I've never met. Kinda scares me a little.

My brother quit his job recently. That means I will be the only one working and with a salary. I did some calculations and with my salary, it wouldn't be enough to cover everything, especially if there's an emergency. I would need at least RM300 more. Lord, if only I make 3K per month...

...but I don't, and life goes on. I remember my first payback, way back in 2009, with my first job after graduation. It was only RM400. It was so stressful and I even had suicidal thoughts. I had no idea how we survived at that time. My brother was only working at a tuition centre back then. I really don't want to live through that dark stage again. I need to make a change, but how?

Taking on a second job is impossible. I go to work at 8 a.m and finish by 5.30 p.m. Because I take the bus, it's another 2 hours to reach home. Weekends are precious because its the only time I can catch up with housework and maybe some rest.

Am I giving too many excuses? I feel I am. Maybe I'm in a comfort zone right now. I want to break out of this funk. But I am a coward. I am afraid of failure, I am afraid of my own future.

But I am a dreamer too. I'm thinking of setting up, opening an online shop. I'm looking into something I CAN DO in my own time. I mean, RM300 might not be a lot of money for some, but it is for me. I need a way, a solution to my problem. I just can't see it yet.

Future: Uncertain.

2011-04-04T00:34:00.003+08:00

Tonight is the second night I've been kept awake. You should turn away from this. My brain is all over the place. Need to sort it out.

Dad's gout kicked in. His body is warm, his right wrist if painful and he can't stand without assistance. That leaves me to help him anyway I can.

Last Thursday, he fell backwards an the floor and cut his right toe on the edge of the door. He just suddenly lot his balance, like he was light-headed. I can't explain this better other than illustrating this for you, but I'll try. The tip of his big toe was cut, it's not deep but the skin became loose in a kind of circular shape. It bled like hell. That's bad news in itself, but my dad is 70 years old, diabetic and has high blood pressure. A disaster. A small cut that bleeds will take ages to heal. Managed to get the bleeding to slow and stop but the bandages got wet because of his frequent trips to the toilet. My head is bursting with the possibility of the wound getting infected. Took him to the doctor with my brother and he said he'll need frequent dressing change. Dad got a tetanus shot, antibiotics and some anti-bacterial cream. This was the second accident in March.

Last Saturday, idiot that I am I bought him some food (rice and chicken cooked in some kind of sauce) for lunch. I was out with my brother for some grocery shopping and I was worried he'd be hungry because he was waiting so long for us. I didn't taste the gravy. It probably contained some sesame oil because later that evening dad complained of pain in his wrist. I got an earful from my brother. The whole night, he needed assistance to and from the toilet. And he would talk and shout and talk. It's so frustrating because I can't guess what he wants. His garbled speech is a matter of frustration to me. And when he can't get what he wants... God. Its a struggle not losing my temper, not shouting back. I'm not perfect.

The dogs are having fleas. Have to find a way to clean them up. Shit. I'm a shitty pet owner. If they're my children... fuck. I suspect Fefanie is pregnant. Should have gotten them neutered and spayed but I didn't have enough money. Can't even get them properly vaccinated. I can hear it now, "Why get pets if you can't even take care of them? Take care of yourself?" Mesti kena marah from Catherine or Daphne...

Fuck me. Fuck that I don't have emergency money.

I'm sorry dogs. You have a shitty owner.

The car needs servicing. There's a wedding I promised I'd go to, in Kuching. Need to buy tickets. Electricity bill. Phone bill. Medicines for dad. MQA coming in April. Prepare for finals. House in disarray. Overgrowth in the compound. Blocked drains. Lighting fixture. Food and petrol for the rest of the month.

I don't know what to do. I'm working but I barely make ends meet each month. I can't afford a lot of stuff. I can't afford to get hired help, I can't afford to fall sick. My mind's in a spiral. There's a workshop in KL next week. I don't know how I'll make it. Leaving dad like that?

I can't think right now. I'm just writing this to see if I can make sense of any of this.

Can't talk about this with ibi yet. Might get all emotional and cry over the phone. Might fight over the phone.

Cannot give up. Please don't give up. Cherane. I'm sure it's impossible to think of doing further studies right now...

Hold on. Don't give up. Its gonna get better.

Bleak. Uncertain.

"Sucker Punch", Indeed.

2011-03-28T00:51:00.095+08:00

I'm not the person people turn to to ask for opinions on movies. I don't watch a whole bunch of movies, and I'll pretty much watch any movie regardless of they look nice or not. So, if you want to stop reading now, it's fine by me, because I am going to write about what I saw in "Sucker Punch", and it might spoil your appetite to watch it. Why am I writing this? I think its probably because I watched it twice and I still can't love it.

What the hell is wrong with it?

One, there are five huge elements of eye-candy up there in the screen. Two, the action is over the top. Three, its visually stunning. Four, the weapons and ass-kicking are nice. Finally, there's a happy ending (kinda), plus there's a twist in the story (kinda). So what's wrong?

Oh yeah, the story.

Encik Snyder has already made a few movies before this, and one of them I love the most is "300". (It was something new for me... plus 300 half-naked men with rippling muscles? What's not to like? Ahahaha!) If you've been reading movie reviews, you won't be surprised to hear that Encik Snyder makes beautiful-looking movies that are weak at the storytelling department.

Now, I love a good story. It doesn't matter if it has a trick ending, or if it's complicated. A good story is a good story no matter how it is told. What makes a good story for me? There's a purpose or a goal (it doesn't matter if the hero manages to achieve it or not) that I can sympathize with. I can feel sorry for the hero or root for him. What makes a great story? For the story to have a heart. You know what I mean; it's when you can feel the movie inside out. (And maybe you do feel that way for this movie, who knows.)

Make no mistake, "Sucker Punch" has a story. A haphazard one, but a story is nonetheless there. I feel that if they cut up the movie into small, bite-sized pieces, this is what you'd get:

The first story would be a Cerekarama-like story of a little a girl and her sister, trying to survive a lecherous step dad. One night after their mother passed away, the Big Mean Stepdad wanted to do something nasty to the little sister, but big sister took the Stepdad's gun to kill him. Something happens and she accidentally killed lil sis instead. Big sis got the blame and Stepdad throws her into an insane asylum. The End.

The second story would be about a girl convicted of a crime she accidentally committed, trying to find a way to escape the high security asylum while picking up some comrades along the way and dodging crazy wardens. The End.

The third story is set in an action packed future/past fantasy world where steam powered Nazi zombies, dragons and Tengu samurais exist, and it's up to five extraordinary girls to stop the raging war to find peace and harmony in the land. The End.

The fourth story would be a Hallmark TV movie about an old man who is really an angel trying to save the soul of one delusional girl named Sweet Pea with quirky advices like "if you don't believe in something you'd fall for anything", and in the end she rode into the sunset in a bus after finally getting freedom. The End.

See? With stories like these, how can Encik Snyder go wrong?

Boleh. Bolehhhh. By not knowing how to stitch these four separate stories all together and create something you can connect with. Maybe, he took different scripts and put it in a shredder and then pieced them together. The question here is: what is Sucker Punch about really?

Female empowerment? Then why give the characters slutty clothes, heavy make-up, and cheap names like 'Baby Doll', 'Sweet Pea' and 'Blondie'? Why are all the women treated badly by the men in the movie and then die when they fight them? Okay, so the women kick ass, use heavy artillery, katanas, guns, even a cute mecha. But when I think about it, do women need tools (dangerous ones at that) to feel empowered? Don't give me shit like "Oh, its to be ironic." The only thing this movie got right was not showing 'the pleasure of fighting and killing on the girls faces.

Anti-establishment? Not really, they never truly win over the 'system'. They got her in the end.

Women's point of view/voices? Nope. Sorry. It didn't show or feel anything like that. What it did show was how a man might think a woman might think. Degrading to women adalah.

PG-rated porn? Have we stooped so low? Pushing the boundaries of what's okay and what's not in movies? Showing titillating scenes but not actually showing the whole package? Has Zack Snyder found a niche? Will there be a deluge of movies like that in the future? Like "porn for tweens"?

What? What is it about? Maybe I'm not that experienced in watching movies, but I know what I like and what I don't like. I felt cheated for a number of things: no actual dancing done by Baby Doll, no more scenes that gave me goosebumps after the title sequence, the poor choice of casting Vanessa Hudgens, the feeling of repetitiveness until I can guess what's coming up come next, the distracting songs after the samurai fight, Baby Doll's ending (really? a kick in the groin is her last action sequence and then she turns into a vegetable? I was expecting a Molotov cocktail at least. Why didn't they use the lighter till the end?). So many things...

If I watch a movie, I want to cheer for my hero, even if he's an anti-hero. I want to get the feeling deep in my heart that he's going to be fine in the end, that nothing can stop him, or that he'd need to make a sacrifice but its okay because it''s for the good of others. I want to laugh and cry and boo and hiss when I watch movies. But "Sucker Punch" was only like that till the temple fight with the Tengu samurais, which gave me a lot of hope. But the ending, even with the "twist", was nowhere near as good as the beginning. Sure it was pretty, it was also easy to understand (its color coded for convenience between reality and fantasy), but lord I was hoping for so much more.

Addendum:
I told my brother my opinion on this movie and he said "What makes a human different from an animal? What makes God choose us over his angels? The ability to make a choice. Free will."
This movie is all about choices, both good and bad. You keep on making them if it kills you. You may have the tools to go through life (in this movie: the map, the fire, the knife, the key) but you are still the decisive element in your life.You make that choice of how your life is going to be.

Ross, The Rockstar!

2011-03-22T10:21:00.001+08:00

After drawing the pictures for Munirah and seeing them posted on her Facebook profile, this is what happened.

Ross wanted one too.

I didn’t have any confidence because of the problems I encountered drawing Munirah and I was afraid that it would take much longer this time. As was the case with Munirah, I have never personally met Ross before. But I do know him from something he did for Rizal a.k.a Syaoran. Ross did a makeover for his blog. And I’ve read Ross’s Feline Channel posts. That was a long long time ago.

I told Ganaesh all my misgivings and he told me to at least give it a shot. I said okay, and started sketching. There was a picture in my head already, of him picking up a cat. After I sketched that I asked Ganaesh what he thinks.

"The smile needs to be wider. He has a wiiide mouth. :D"

I asked him: what does Ross do?

"Well, basically he is a rockstar coder and designer la."

I imagined a guy so terer, that he can code with his feet.

After all that I realized something: it’s not appropriate as a profile pic. I was horrified. But Ganaesh said they were fine and that Ross would love them especially the second picture.

He was right. :3

It was a pleasure drawing the both of them. It gave me challenges that I’d never could have imagined. And the greatest surprise was this:

Ross’s brother VECTORIZED the picture.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

P.S: It just occurred to me that I never use ‘Fird’. Isn’t that his name? Isn’t ‘Ross’ the surname? What?

Ah My Munirah!

2011-03-16T10:22:00.036+08:00

Remember a few posts back when I said I was drawing pictures for Munirah? Well, its finally done! (Yay me!) Well, it was done quite a while back, but I finally finished writing about how I finished drawing the pictures! :D

She’s a rather difficult subject for me. It took me a few tries before I got it right. And by ‘right’ I mean that I was satisfied with the result. I even almost gave up once.

I love making profile pictures, they are very easy to make. It’s just a frame and the face. The trick is to make the face resemble the real person as closely as possible. Profile pictures are also easy to colour because of the limited space. Draw + Scan + Colour = Instant gratification.

At least, that’s how I felt before I tried drawing Munirah.

I don’t know her personally, and I’ve never seen her before. I don’t know what she likes or hates. And my reference is just Ganaesh and her LinkedIn profile picture. That picture… I’ve done things to that picture that would/might get me a lawsuit in real life. But seriously, it was way too small and the information that I could gather from it was very limited.

I was ready to give up after the second try and just tell Munirah that I couldn’t do it. But one day Ganaesh said he was going out with her for a yumcha session and I told him to show the first two trial pics to her.

You know what she said?

She loved them and wanted me to colour them. I was so happy I drew this comic. :3

And I made a breakthrough! I could draw her cute! I just had to change the angle! *slaps forehead* I’m such an idiot!

On that high I made the third pic, which was my favourite of the three.

The original file name was F***ingCuteAwesomeMunirah.jpg. I loved it that much.

But I never showed them to her until all three were complete. I wanted it to be a surprise. So I coloured them one by one. I was having trouble deciding what the background colours should be. I got nervous when I finally finished them all, but I sent it to her anyway and waited for her reply.

And you know what?

She choose the third pic as her profile picture.

*SUNSHINE BEAM!* :D

Ketika Aku Kecil...

2011-03-10T12:19:00.000+08:00

Warning: long introduction is long.

Blog ini tiada kena mengena dengan lagu Ana Raffali itu. Walaupun kami pernah bersekolah bersama-sama, sekuliah dan pernah menjadi groupmate dalam satu assignment, tapi dia sangat elit bagiku yang sekadar budak kampung dari Sabah ini. Aku begitu kekok apabila berbual dengannya, walaupun secara kasual. Bukan aku benci dia, tapi kami punya vibe bukan satu frekuensi. Dia bahagia dengan rakan-rakannya, dan aku bahagia dengan rakan-rakanku.

Secara peribadi, saya tidak ingin dia menang Juara Lagu lalu, bukan sebab dia tidak pandai berkarya atau saya membencinya, tetapi sebab saya rasa dia perlu masa lagi. Dia akan dibenci kerana perkara remeh-temeh kerana dia muda, cantik dan seorang wanita, dan lagu-lagunya akan dikutuk. Orang akan mendengar lagu puitisnya secara sambil lewa kalau dia menang.

Tapi kalau dia kalah, tetapi menang pada tahun ini atau tahun depan, itu lain cerita. Orang akan menyayanginya kerana ada usaha yang boleh dilihat, orang-orang tua akan menjadikannya sebagai contoh kepada anak-anak mereka, “Nah, lihat Ana Raffali itu. Dia kalah dulu, tapi sekarang lihat! Dia menang! Walaupun dia muda tetapi dia berusaha. Awak pun harus berusaha seperti dia.” Ah, sayangnya dia menang. Sekarang dia mempunyai masalah untuk membuatkan orang take her and her song seriously. Kasihan, good luck to her.

But I digress. Blog ini bukan mengenai dia. Blog ini mengenai diriku, diriku tika kecil suatu masa dahulu.

Mungkin anda musykil. Si gemuk ini kecil? Bukan saiz ya para pembaca sekalian, tetapi usia. Pada suatu masa dahulu, aku pun pernah menjadi anak kecil yang tidak comel dan nakal. Dan inilah ceritanya…

When I was young I thought I was a typical little girl. At this age, after sharing my story with many friends in one of those “when I was little” sessions, I know that my years growing was not… average. Some find it lacking, some find it extreme. I just take it as normal.

I live in a little kampung (village) somewhere in Penampang, Sabah. It doesn’t even have a cool, unique name like (I dunno) Kampung Ais Box or Bundu Tuhan (both of which are real places, by the way). My kampung’s name is sometimes mistaken with another kampung with the same name but a different spelling. Its called Terawi (without the ‘h’). I once asked my dad if it means anything, he said it refers to an old gambling game. I guess my kampung was a gambling den during my ancestors’ time. They were probably having a bit of fun naming the place after their favourite game.

It was still a proper kampung then. Houses were wooden and on stilts. If there were any concrete or cement used in construction, it meant you’re well off. Some houses still used rumbia leaves for the roof. My grandmother’s house, two houses away from mine, had bamboo flooring. It was very cool because you could see the dirt ground and chickens under it. There were no stairs. What she had was a block of timber with steps carved out of them. It was an adventure, that house. I often go there to keep an eye on my grandmother when my parents were away (actually she was the one babysitting, but my parents told me this so I’d feel importantlah).

You could see animals roaming around my kampung: buffaloes being pulled by their noses, goats being led by their owners, poultry running around, children playing in the dirt. And of course, we had the padi (paddy) fields and fruit orchards. Cars were still something special then. We’d also play hide and seek around parked cars sometimes, during Kaamatan and New Year when families came home for the month-long school holidays. When my teachers or friends ask me where I’m going for the holidays, I’d say that I’m going nowhere. I’m already in my kampung, so balik kampung is redundant.

When you’re a kid, a one-month holiday is like a year. It’s the best time of the year, except for the whole "doing manual labour" thing. I could be digging in the garden, cleaning up pig muck, feeding chickens, or carrying sacks of padi around; it all depended on the whims of my parents that day. In fact, every kid I knew in the village did this. But off-duty, I’m OFF!

I’d be digging for worms, looking for broken pieces of glass bottles (they looked like crystals, you see), ‘borrowing’ my neighbour’s fruits, ‘lastik’ing some birds that were having a feast at my mom’s padi fields; generally getting myself dirty and driving my mom crazy. (Don't know what a lastik is? See the pic below. :3) There was this one time, I don’t remember what I did but it was bad enough that my mom picked me up and put me in an empty oil drum (we used it to gather water). I was a small kid and I couldn’t climb out of it (not a skill I ever got a hang off, it’s because I’m afraid of heights), and all I could do was sit in there while I wait for my mom to pick me up again.

But it never occurred to me to cry in there. I had my imagination, the blue sky was beautiful and I made a hole in the barrel. My aunt dropped by to visit my mum and dropped by to see how I was. She laughed when she discovered I was smiling. I was an irreverent child. She left me there and my mom soon came and released me.

I do get hurt easily, I get scrapes and bruises. I got stung by bees, pecked by angry mommy chickens, bitten by my neighbour’s dog, bitten by mosquitoes, snapped by crabs, poked by thumbtacks. stapled myself by accident, hit my thumb with a hammer. I mean, they didn't all happen at the same timelah, but often enough for me to make my own first aid kit.

When I couldn’t fix myself up, only then would I tell my parents. Like when I accidentally put my feet in a bowl of hot soup and burned myself, I had a week off from kindy for that. Poor mom had to hold me in her lap to give me a bath. So it wasn’t weird if I had Handyplast taped all over myself those days. Some scars, I still have them. Like the scar I got when I played police and thief in kindergarten and I fell and cut my knees on the sharp rocks, or the scar I got when I accidentally stepped on the mosquito coil stand at my grandmother’s house.

I still did what girls were/are expected: sewing, cooking and cleaning. But they were never satisfactory, even till now. The only thing I improved in was my sewing. I still do that every so often.

So in one of the designs for the background image of my Twitter profile, I had my childhood in mind. With my slingshot in hand (which my dad hand-made for me) and a bunch of stones. My favourite rambutan tree, heavy with fruit. A hand-made ladder up the tree. A small bag, to put treasures in. My mom shouting at me, and the family dog beside her (I draw her smiling but she was actually very fierce and we always keep her in a cage). And one of my most favouritest things in the world: the blue sky.

I don’t miss my childhood, but it’s a nice time to visit once in a while. I hope you enjoy the pics! :D

Extra trivia: I use DestroyTwitter as my desktop Twitter app. Geddit? :3

My First Art Competition

2011-03-08T11:44:00.002+08:00

This is the ‘other story’.

I was in primary school and my teachers though it would be a great idea if I entered an art competition. At first I thought I was the only one, but it turns out there were several other kids in my school that would also be representing the school. Some of them I knew, because they were my classmates and good friends. I was a straight-as-an-arrow kinda kid. I still am. I had no experience with the real world except for my imagination and the rare outings my parents brought me to. So, being the good little kid that I was, I went along with it.

I don’t remember how old I was, maybe Standard 3 or 4. But I remember telling my parents about it and how supportive they were. They even brought me out to but new colouring materials. I wanted oil pastels but they bought me Panda brand wax crayons. I remember the wonderful smell of those Pandas but I was never tempted to eat them. I was disappointed that I didn’t get the oil pastels but I was determined to do my best.

On competition day, I was there with my mom. My friends and teachers were there. We, the contestants, were all scattered all over the community hall floor, claiming our piece of ‘land’, marking it with colours and paper. When the judges announced the topics, we began to choose one, and started drawing. I remember choosing “My village” because it’s the safest topic and because that’s where I lived. The organizers gave us these plastic corrugated boards to draw on and I thought it was so cool.

Armed with my 12 colour Pandas, I started to colour. So did the other kids. I wasn’t treating it as a competition; I treated it as any other art class, because I don’t really understand what ‘competition’ meant. I was busy colouring, when I began hearing my teachers talking, the same teachers who suggested I enter this competition.

They were going from student to student; talking about drawing they liked the best. They would say that Student A’s work is beautiful and should win, and Student B’s work is very neat and could win at least second prize and so on. I don’t remember what they actually said about mine, but I remember being compared to my best friend and I remember how they cooed over hers. They didn’t look at mine after that.

And I stopped what I was doing. I looked around me. Every one of their drawings had brilliant splashes of colour. They were bright and even had shading and tone. Everywhere around me I saw Buncho oil pastels being used. Sets of 24, of 36, of 48. And I looked at my wax crayon coloring. At that moment I understood what the term “competition” was. I wanted my teachers’ approval; I wanted them to look at my drawing again. I started clutching at straws. I asked to borrow oil pastels from my neighbours. But I knew, deep down, that it was too late.

When the results were announced, I was still hoping to be mentioned. But my name never came up. I was disappointed. The walk to the pickup truck felt so long. I didn’t hear whatever my mother said to me. Probably not much, as is her way. We were quiet in that ride home. All I could think of was how inferior my drawing must have been to the judges, they were probably disgusted by it just like my teachers.

I never entered any art competitions after that, until I entered Form Six. That one had a shorter story; not very interesting.

Did I win?

Yes.

Why Do I Draw?

2011-03-08T11:41:00.001+08:00

I don’t know why I draw.

I get so excited when I have an idea or an inspiration to draw something. But seriously, I have no I idea why I can do it or why I do it.

I don’t like to say that it comes naturally or that it’s a talent that I have. That would be conceited. And it wouldn’t be true because I remember practicing and getting comments on how bad it was. There’s always someone else more awesome, talented, and inspiring at drawing than me. But that’s another story.

I would say that it’s another way for me to communicate my point across. Like talking, yeah that’s it. Drawing is like talking for me because my vocabulary is limited. (Heck, I can’t even tell a proper joke!) My drawings do the talking for me.

Though I can’t tell you why I draw, I can however tell you this: I get a kick out of other people’s reaction when they see my drawings. Especially when they laugh at the jokes.

My friend saw one of my drawings and said, “Is there anything that you CAN’T do?”

Yeah, lots. Like cooking and cleaning, gardening, being a proper dog owner, being socially acceptable (I’m so weird sometimes), telling a funny joke, keeping fit, etc.

I told her all this because she had this look, like she wanted to idolize me or something. I’ve seen that look before on other faces. I don’t want that, I don’t want people to know I can draw and treat me different from before. It’s weird for me. She laughed, said “that’s true”. We’re okay, I’m still the goofy lurus bendul friend.

That look. It was like that in high school. It was fun for awhile, being known as someone who can draw. People mention your name and predict that you’ll be a great artist one day, but it loses its appeal fast. Up to a point where I can’t draw and I find that it’s no fun drawing anymore. It felt like a competition I had to win, it felt like I needed to prove myself to them. And being a teenager is hard. You feel everything. Every emotion and reaction is magnified. The slightest thoughtless comment is the equivalent of the end of the world. Shamefully, I admit, that I quit. I quit for a long, long time.

I’ve matured a bit since then. I still feel shy letting others see my work and I still brace myself for any comments. I can receive comments (both good and bad) better now. I know there’s always someone better than me out there, but I can be one of them one day.

Been A Long Week!

2011-02-12T22:07:00.007+08:00

Well hello again, beautiful.

Nothing fancy to show you today. Just want to write up something about the past week. And it won't be in chronological order too so if you want to skip this, it would save you from a lot of headaches.

In the words of @NeilHimself, "CAUTION: Contains me" and some drama. Just a bit.

(Currently listening to radioEMiNA)

Where to start, where to start.

So many things have happened in the past week that I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Work.

Well for starters, the new semester has started.

I received the timetable and got a 21-hours-per-week workload. Which is not so bad, with four subjects and five different groups. I love meeting new kids and getting to know them. Three of those groups are my old students now in their second or third semester with me. The other two groups are fresh faced Semester 1 students. I haven't given them any diagnostic tests, yet. Maybe next week.

But, my experience is that, the timetable is sure to change as I heard there have been class clashes with the other lecturers already. Even my own timetable is incomplete. Already one class is missing, without any lecturer. Most probably that class will be combined with one of the groups I currently have. Let's see how that goes.

I'm still having problems coming early to class this semester. I had high hopes that this will change this year, but...

Family.

Its official: my brother is confirmed to be suffering from tuberculosis (TB). (Yes, the one that we dryly studied in science class.) And he's the second one to get it after my second brother.

Its different when one of your family members has it; it becomes very personal. As he's already ~~suffering~~ living with diabetes and hypertension plus water in the lungs, the doctor said his recovery rate will be slower. Thankfully he doesn't smoke, that would just hamper him more. He got two weeks' worth of MC and when that ends, he will get another 2 months extension. It is a totally curable disease now, but he must take his meds religiously everyday. Its not so easy, as he needs to take it in front of a medical personnel every day for two weeks just so they can monitor if there are any signs of negative side effects.

So far, he has red pee (in this case, it's a good sign) and sensitivity towards sunlight. This affects the time I come to work, as my brother has to take his medicines at the clinic and I have to follow, because after that he will send me to work; the clinic only opens at 8 and my work hour starts at 8:30. I'm worried I might lose my job over this.

Anyway, when my dad and I started coughing, the panic came. We went for X-ray screenings and it turns out that we're clear. I even managed to get MC (a first since I started working a year ago) for a day and my cough cleared after a week. But dad is still coughing, so we're sending him for another screening next Monday. But..

Life.

Last year, my cousin/niece (long story short, both her parents are related to me)/bestfriend (we go to the same school) Lia gave me a call and finally said the words I longed to hear...

Cherane, will you be my flower girl?

I went "YESS!!!" and then "Wait, what?"

Yes, I've always wanted to be a flower girl but this came two decades too late. She clarified it with, "you're my bridesmaid la." Ahhh... that makes sense.

Wait, what?

You see, I'm vertically endowed compared to her. I'm 5'5", she's 4 something something. That would make a pretty awkward picture. Either that, or the photographer needs to do some really fancy manoeuvring to show that we are of equal height. But selfishly I said yes,
(She's my bestfriend/cousin/niece! How could I say no?) and it turns out that I wasn't the only one who said yes. There would be seven of us (including the maid-of-honour) and it would be fine because all of us are not the same height.

Except for a small wardrobe malfunction during my last fitting, everything's going fine. If you remember the Wonder Girls' outfit in that "Nobody" music video, that's how the dress is going to be. A golden-form-fitting dress. (Ho boy!) I've started using contacts (I'm still scared putting them on and it's still VERY INCONVENIENT!), under orders from the bride. So all that's left is an eyebrow trim and white shoes (damn hard to find a size 10 in KK).

So what's the problem? The wedding date.

It would be on Valentine's day. Which is on a Monday, a working day. So, the problem is: the wedding or my father's screening?

Pets.

In other news, my pet dog Fefanie has started menstruating. But that's not the kicker. The kicker is this: I HAVE A MEWING CLOSET!

A mommy cat came into my room, and turned my closet into the maternity ward. I just got up in the wee hours of the morning, when I heard a weird noise coming from the bottom of my closet. So I took the torchlight and went towards the direction of the noise when I got the shock of my life: a mommy cat with a kitten... halfway out her... you-know. (I still can't get over this fact!) In a panic, I asked my workmate Nurul about this (she had similar problem and is an expert in cat behaviour) and she said, "Just let them be... and DON'T LOOK AT THEM!"

She was pretty adamant about that, so I've never even peeked at how many kittens there are in the makeshift maternity ward. So far, I've heard four different mews (excluding the mommy cat's). And Nurul also said, this whole business will take about 2 weeks. I don't know what else to do except leave the closet door, the room door and the window open so the mommy cat can come in and out to do her business, and let the fresh air in.

That's my week so far. God, give me strength.

How has your week been? Let me know, let me know! :D

Special Mention.

Congratulations to Ganaesh!

He got his FIRST 'SERIOUS S*** REALLY?!' article published in PC.COM Malaysia, a pretty big tech magazine. I'm sooooooo proud of you, chayang! :) *kishy* So, faster go and buy! February 2011 issue, ya? ;)

My Chinese New Year! (and other related stuff...)

2011-02-06T16:05:00.018+08:00

Me: Been coughing the whole night.
Beby: Apa jenis ni batuk?
M:.... yang jenis ada sikit manis sama masam sikit.
B: That's not what I meant! I know a lot of batuk ( me: what? ) yang kering, yang phlegmy...
M: *mumbles* Manada orang cakap apa jenis ni batuk *mumbles*
B: Beby...
M: Its the type that if I don't cough, I feel like I want to vomit.

That was a real conversation I had earlier today, and it goes on much longer than that.
My Chinese New Year was/is (?) spent coughing and cleaning (well, at least not on the first day) and staying in bed.
So, no ang pow for me this year :( buu...
I also don't feel well enough to go to my friend's sister's wedding. :( Double buuu...
With that much disappointment, I felt at least I could do something that can cheer me up and maybe cheer others too.
So, I colored and I sketched and I inked and I scanned. :)

The first pic is actually 'commissioned' by my brother last year (December) because he was making a theme song of his boy and him.
Oh, did I mention that his boy is actually our dog Julian. He prefers Julian over Fefanie, our other dog and yes, there IS a theme song. :)

Now, I'm trying to finish coloring most of my sketches before I do new ones. (I have more sketches than I have colored ones) So, the next sketches to be colored will be sketches of Munirah. The skin is fine and colored, but I'm having problems with the background. Suggestions are welcome, since I'm not sure what her interests are.

Remember, I mentioned that I was in KL for two days and one of those days I had a yumcha session with Ganaesh's friends and Ibanez? Well, I finally sketched and inked them!
Yay! |o/

...that's the good news.
The bad news is I made about three of them and I can't decide which one to use.
Here they are.

The first one doesn't count, its obviously where the idea comes from. :p

Okay! Help me choose between these two:

The one that is picked will be used in the next post about that night. :3

Something Naoko said in Twitter....

2011-02-03T19:44:00.006+08:00

This is how my sketches are usually triggered.

Something that happened to me,
Something that will happen,
Something happens in front of me,
Something someone said on the phone, or
Something someone said in the Internet.

This sketch is inspired by something Naoko said on Twitter. :3
I just woke up this morning and check Twitter on my phone when I saw what she said...
ah, I'll just let the sketch tell you what it was. :D

Enjoy and Happy CNY, may your angpows be bigger than your wallet can hold! XD

Happy Chinese New Year Everyone!

2011-02-02T14:43:00.008+08:00

I was going to draw that nyom+lepak session time when I was in KL, but I still haven't figured out how to sketch the drama. Waiting for inspiration for it.
But this morning, I woke up.
Drew this picture and scanned it.
When I came to the office, I realized...
I LEFT MY THUMBDRIVE AT HOME!
Gahh!

So, I took a picture of it with my camera.
Fiddled with it in Photoshop.
Colored it as fast as I can, and posted it up on FB.
Here's a copy of it (for friends who's not on FB).
Happy Chinese New Year and happy holidays!

P/S: Didn't have time to colour all the coins.. today half day at work :p Hope you like it anyway!

My sketches ladeedaa~

2011-01-31T17:16:00.008+08:00

Like I said before, I've been sketching again.
And even learned a new trick: to colour using Photoshop (courtesy of my brother).
Like what I've told to many people (iBanez included), I still don't know what to do with them.

Anyways, here's a sample of my work. I'm quite proud of them, even though I've just started using Photoshop; used to MS Paint, you see.

This is Ganaesh, my trusty and adorable boyfriend. (Yes, you read that right, by. I just professed how cute you are on my blog for the whole world to see. Nope, I'm not taking it down!) Anyway, about the sketch. It started from a lot (and I do mean A LOT) of concepts. When I finally settled on this style, it wasn't coloured and he wasn't so sure when I told him I wanted to colour it. I still remember his words, "Beby go ahead and colour, I'll use the original for awhile because it hasn't been up there for long". But once I coloured it, it didn't take long for him to start using it. XDDD

Anyway, this one *points down* is supposed to be my twitter background. Because I got tired of looking at the blank, BLACK void that the picture didn't cover on my old background. (Its still there, you can go see.)

Why am I not using this already, you ask? Ask Ganaesh. He refused to put it up until after I make some corrections. (Why am I going through him, you say? Its because I have no idea how to adjust the size of the picture to accommodate the Twitter background.) Can you spot the problems? :D

Still haven't made the corrections. Nyeh~! :3

So, that's what I'm interested in doing recently. Sketches and scanning and digital colouring.
Now I have to think of how to protect my drawings from being used illegally and how to cover my butt from getting sued (if ever). Any suggestions?

Looking to the future

2011-01-31T14:14:00.002+08:00

Feng Shui says I'm going to be one cranky-hot tempered Rat this year.
So apologies in advance.
____________________________________________________________________

I'm looking forward to stop (eh?) I mean quitting my job. I really want to start taking my masters.
I'm thinking of taking Education.
But, the courses doesn't look....fun.
I wonder if I can take a different course.

I love my job, I really do miss my students when we don't have any class. I love seeing their faces when they get good results. To me a B is as good as an A when the student has worked hard at it.
But seems like people see my work as a joke.
Something so easy to do.
They expect good results as its an easy subject to 'score'.
There's nothing wrong with that, for now, its the only way to measure the student's understanding.

But I don't think I can stand this job any longer.
Its loosing its 'fun', I'm losing my drive to go on teaching them.
I'm starting to think of myself as joke of a teacher.

When I started, I wanted to give my students hope.
I want to give my students confidence.
But I'm losing hope and my own confidence in teaching them.

When I started, there's more than 20 As, now there's only 9 students who managed to get A.
And they measure this.
I'm disappointed at myself.
Its like every 2 steps forward I take, I'm pushed 3 steps back.

I don't want to go crazy, doing the same thing over and over again.
But stopping or quitting.. I don't think that's an option either.
I'd feel like I'm running away from my problems.

What to do, what to do?

Daddy. Amma'. Mama'.

2011-01-28T17:40:00.004+08:00

Recently, I met up with Ibanez, and he asked me to write a blog. If you're wondering who Ibanez is, he's the handsome guy from the Internet that I met a few years ago through a mutual friend. Although I know his real name, he will always be Ibanez to me. I should remind him to blog too, but I've been doing that for years. What he doesn't know is that I made a second blog. One that is more sappy/cooey/romantic than this one. I'll keep you posted when HE starts writing his own blog.
Lol.

First the reason for the long absence- I feel lonely. And until Facebook, I just realized what that loneliness is. Its the solitary writing of a blog that I like, but what I love is the responses I get from readers. I kinda look at blogging as an afternoon yumcha session that goes on and on until I run out of things to say and like all yumcha sessions I need someone to talk to, not just someone who listens. And blogging, don't guarantee that kind of conversation. Anyway, this blog has gone through so many changes of layout and names that its still finding it self. Just like me.
Its 2011 I hope its a better year.
Ah, talking about solitary. I've started running. Just short marathons, I find that it helps me think. Also it made me wish I can upload whatever I'm thinking directly to a blog and lets me edit it later.
Also, I've started drawing my thoughts. I still haven't decided what to do with them. I might just dump them all at my DeviantArt account.
Well, that's all for the update, now to the blog...
____________________________________________________________________

If you've been following my blog you would realize that I talk about my family a lot. And not many are happy ones. I guess that's what loss does to you and backstabbing and lost of faith.
What made me want to write again is this. This post is in response to that video. You can watch it first or later, its up to you.

Nobody knows what's wrong with my father.
He's not senile.
He doesn't have Alzheimer.
The best the doctor could tell us was this, "He has dementia".
And I remember that day clearly, he was testing my father, asking my father, waiting for his response.
One particular 'experiment' was this, he pretended to touch my father's foot and he asked him if it hurts. My father said yes. And the doctor took his big doctor book, and found whatever he was looking for and just gave us Dementia.
To understand my father's condition, one has to live with him.
The best I can come up with is that he has speaking disability. Its as if whatever nerves control his speech is broken. The link to the words he wants is not the same as the one that he utters. He could say he wanted some water but what he produces would be food. And that is if you're lucky. He doesn't speak..normally. If you can imagine a child learning how to speak, that's how he speaks. Sometimes he mumbles, sometimes he's garbled. But its worst for him, because he KNOWS what he wants to say, he KNOWS the words he wants to say, he could see it with his mind, but it doesn't translate well as he imagined it. That's frustration. That's suffering.
I know this because I'm his daughter. I can see it in his eyes, the spark that used to be there, the kindness, the father I used to have. Its painful to watch and I the only thing I can do is help guess what he wants.
As it is with all frustrations, he loses his temper, I lose my temper, my brother loses his temper.
Screaming matches is not unheard of in our silent home.
Maybe I can't imagine the pain of not being able to communicate and being treated as if one is a young child. Maybe I can't understand the painful indignities of a once proud man.
But I understand love.

I remember, his kisses. His touches. He will kiss my forehead before I go to school. It would somehow protect me from the evils of the world. He would pat my head when he passes me. He would pat my tummy if I'm sick. He would put me over his lap so I would feel big and yet so small. He would talk to me as if I was a real person with ideas and encourages those ideas. He would listen and write down my gibberish and understand each of those written words. He would help me draw my homework. He would hit me if I was unruly. But always I can see the guilt in his eyes. I could see his worry and his love.
And he still does these things. Sometimes.

The pain is not watching my father struggle with what he wants to say.
Its not seeing him struggling to wake up and stand and walk, things we take for granted.
The pain is that I remember, his goodbye.
It was when my mother was still alive and struggling with cancer. She was asleep on the hospital bed and my father was beside her. We were talking quietly in that hospital room. It was evening outside, but it was already night in the ward.
I think he knew he was slipping. I believe he knew that he was sick or there was something wrong with him.
He told me that he was going.
He told me to be strong and to look after myself.
I didn't understand.
But the next day, I knew he was not the same anymore. I knew I did not understand about illnesses enough to tell what was wrong with him.
I knew its my turn to take care of him. Even when my relatives wanted to institutionalize him and used my mother to tell me, I raged and I cried. Even though it could have been easier for the whole family...it wouldn't be right.

Don't be fooled. I'm not a good daughter. I get tired, I get emotional, I get angry and I shout at him. And I'd be thinking all sorts of evil stuffs and thinks that he's a burden. And I'd look in his faded eyes and see the hurt and it hurts me. And I don't know how to say sorry, an apology that he could understand in his state.

When people ask me, what I want to do with my life? Don't I want to work at a better place? Make more money? Have a better and secured life and prospects? I shrug.
I have him now for a reason. I want to be here, with him for as long as I can.
Because that's the kind of daughter that he has.

And don't ask me about regrets. Because it would be a bigger regret if I wasn't there for him when he was there for me.